Monday, August 17, 2009
When I saw the 50 day mark.
My heart sank a little. Well, I was kinda upset.
I mean. Hey people. I've been dreading this day for almost 2 years.
Now tell me, now that it's finally here.
How am I supposed to feel?
I feel for him. Maybe it isn't love anymore.
I seriously seriously do not know.
I just go by each day without even thinking about whether I do anymore.
Pfft. I wonder if one day, it'll actually fade altogether.
God, seriously? I haven talked to him for like 6 months now.
And if I still have feelings? Exactly how strong were they?
)))))))))))): *Sulks* Sighs.
But yet I refuse to move on until I totally stop caring for him.
Even very slightllyy. Gah. Lols.
But one thing I know for sure.
I haven forgiven myself for my past mistakes.
For the pain I caused. )): Very occasionally I still beat myself to death because of them.
I'll go to bed. Hating myself. Maybe I take them way too harshly.
I bet he's forgiven me, I don't understand why can't I?
I've forgiven him too. A long long time ago.
It's myself I have yet to forgive.
Maybe deep down, I've never really blamed him for everything.
I pointed fingers at him. True. LOL. But MAYBE it's because. Of overbearing pride.
I hate that word now. HAHA. Such an idiotic word. But truth's the truth.
Maybe, I blamed myself all along but I couldn't admit it. )):
Because of the assholic word.
Ah. I'm not sure. )): I really am not sure. Might and might not be.
Omg. I had such a hard time ridding of the darn pride. ((: LOL.
Seriously, my next boyfriend, I'm so gonna not let that word surface.
But that will be quite sometime later. ((:
I'll be silently supporting. ((:
I cant do shit about being there anyways, since we're not talking. HAHA.
Doesn't matter if he knows or not. HAHA.
I'm seriously cool with it.
Or he chooses to have the support of someone else.
LOLS. I'm cool with it. HAHA. Seriously, I am.
Look into my eyes. YES. I'm cool with it. ((:
Maybe silent supports the best now. ((:
*Hugs myself*
*Heaves a huge sigh*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:D It has been family day 3 days in a row. :DD
I do love my dad's car.
It brings us back to places with loads of memories. :DD
SAF yacht club. :))
Day 3. ((: Sentosa.
For some really expensive buffet. :D
The total bill was 300 plus I think. :)
I haven seen myself in a dress for the longest time ever.
It's like sweat pants and shirt forever. LOL.
I got my 3rd piercing~!!! :DDD
Melody
My heart sank a little. Well, I was kinda upset.
I mean. Hey people. I've been dreading this day for almost 2 years.
Now tell me, now that it's finally here.
How am I supposed to feel?
I feel for him. Maybe it isn't love anymore.
I seriously seriously do not know.
I just go by each day without even thinking about whether I do anymore.
Pfft. I wonder if one day, it'll actually fade altogether.
God, seriously? I haven talked to him for like 6 months now.
And if I still have feelings? Exactly how strong were they?
)))))))))))): *Sulks* Sighs.
But yet I refuse to move on until I totally stop caring for him.
Even very slightllyy. Gah. Lols.
But one thing I know for sure.
I haven forgiven myself for my past mistakes.
For the pain I caused. )): Very occasionally I still beat myself to death because of them.
I'll go to bed. Hating myself. Maybe I take them way too harshly.
I bet he's forgiven me, I don't understand why can't I?
I've forgiven him too. A long long time ago.
It's myself I have yet to forgive.
Maybe deep down, I've never really blamed him for everything.
I pointed fingers at him. True. LOL. But MAYBE it's because. Of overbearing pride.
I hate that word now. HAHA. Such an idiotic word. But truth's the truth.
Maybe, I blamed myself all along but I couldn't admit it. )):
Because of the assholic word.
Ah. I'm not sure. )): I really am not sure. Might and might not be.
Omg. I had such a hard time ridding of the darn pride. ((: LOL.
Seriously, my next boyfriend, I'm so gonna not let that word surface.
But that will be quite sometime later. ((:
I'll be silently supporting. ((:
I cant do shit about being there anyways, since we're not talking. HAHA.
Doesn't matter if he knows or not. HAHA.
I'm seriously cool with it.
Or he chooses to have the support of someone else.
LOLS. I'm cool with it. HAHA. Seriously, I am.
Look into my eyes. YES. I'm cool with it. ((:
Maybe silent supports the best now. ((:
*Hugs myself*
*Heaves a huge sigh*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:D It has been family day 3 days in a row. :DD
I do love my dad's car.
It brings us back to places with loads of memories. :DD
SAF yacht club. :))
Day 3. ((: Sentosa.
For some really expensive buffet. :D
The total bill was 300 plus I think. :)
I haven seen myself in a dress for the longest time ever.
It's like sweat pants and shirt forever. LOL.
I got my 3rd piercing~!!! :DDD
Melody
at 11:32 PM
